Circa 2008 – We release a movie called Love story 2050…. Very RUSTIC… sorry, I meant FUTURISTIC…. sorry… I take back my words… It was so much rubbish I am told that it won’t even rust… rotten don’t rust.
Hey!! That wasn’t the topic of my post… I wanted to share how designations have metamorphosised… hic!!! I misspelt again. Anyhow, let me get to the point.
Mr. Subroto Bagchi calls himself the Gardner, though he is an equity holder in Mindtree.
Mr. Narayanmurthy—poor man is relegated to be just a chief mentor.
Mr. Sahara shri is nothing but a managing worker.( not MD)
Cisco India has Wim Elfrink as the chief globalization manager, while Tracy Ann Curtis is the senior manager for diversity & Inclusion.
Kalpana Veeraraghavan is now the Work life integration leader at IBM.
I am told that perfectly sane technology companies have key positions as Director of People success, Chief privacy officer, Chief competitive officer, vision-holder cum vice chairman, chief beverage server (the one who serves tea on the desk), four wheel manager (car driver), chief impression manager (receptionist), loss prevention manager (security), inlet-outlet minder (doorman) – I think I exaggerated the last one….. the others are all true.
While I have been trying to eavesdrop into the boardroom of many of these corporate, and fantasize on how each of the above senior people would have convinced their peers on the role change, there seems to be a problem of plenty at the bottom.
Earlier, there used to be one CEO and a few gardeners, on the lawns. Now, there would be a few gardeners on the top floor, and a few ‘vegetation managers’ at the gate. As the vegetation managers tend to the flora, the chief privacy officer ensures that the chief typo-speller(the stenographer) does not accept any illegal gratification (read emotional expressions) from the chief of the chief of wheel managers (the transport incharge). All this while, the chief of vision (bespectacled, of course) peers through the reams of excel sheets that the chief of mathematical delusions(CFO) and chief alliance interpretations(HR) together have offloaded onto this chiefs laptop. He calls in his chief of understatement of the cyber space(CTO) and commands him to explain him how the damn PC works… this chief calls in his chief of understanding the understatement (the CIO) and seeks assistance. Finally, the chief of the fuccha brigade (trainee) is summoned who checks through the various analysis & reports and comes up with the inference – THE BATTERY NEEDS TO BE RECHARGED!!
Hey Gardner? Not you sir… I am talking to the one who tends the vegetation… no not you sir trying to pluck a strand of hair from the forehead of the chief typist… not you sir.. then one with the pink pants trying to mentor the muscular trainee… yeah.. right… the one with the hose and spade in the hand… can you please look at the creeper on my window which has completely blocked the daylight off my window??? Whew… I never knew that the gardener attracts so much attention… hey!!! Is that a surname??? Is it like Kim in Korea now, in corporate India.
I have 10 in my company.
Whew !!! too many chiefs now…. sometimes, I feel like lost in the USA of the 19th century when there were more chief with fancy names than Horses….
I sometimes wonder what would have prompted these changes??? Why do I still have an outdated designation on my visiting card??Why am I still known as the founding Partner?
Can I not try and convince my management to make me the chief of cerebral masturbation and verbal diarrhoea? Can I address my good friend & colleague Ajay Dabas as the chief of Blabbering untruths and effecting growth (he incidentally is responsible for business development).
It is 01.30 am and I need to get to my bed as my tormentor in chief (wife) and chief of pissing in the sleep(2 year old son) both await me. Will complete this piece shortly.