Quotes

•    “Why remember quotes when it’s easier to make them up” ~ William Gandhi

•    Dear client, the Blue pill you ordered online seems to be working. You are a bigger dick than the last week !!!

•    I wear my Liver on my sleeve…

•    As you grow older, remember the cardinal rule of looking beautiful ~ “WHO CARES !”

•    Some people are so sweet that they can cause Type2 Diabetes….

•    Nothing is illegal when 552 people say ‘Aye’ … #Parliament

•    The left is not Right anymore. The ‘Right’ don’t give a fig about the left. #Budget2014

•    An entire budget speech, and no mention of Gandhi – Nehru – Tiruvalluvar… Yeh kaise Achche din hai?

•    “Even if I am not asleep, dont blame me of being awake” – RaGa

•    Recession – When your friends lose their job Depression – When you lose your job Achche Din – When Manmohan Singh loses his job

•    “It’s a Dog bites dog world” – TMC wisdom

•    Our policies are LoP-sided… let’s speaker out in favor…

•    Dear MPs, you have been appointed, not Anointed.. Mind it !!!!

•    Whenever the government solicits your opinion, they ask you to fill 100 forms. The opinion is shown it’s place..

•    It’s time the Indian public sees some serious democracy” ~ HD Kumaraswamy

•    Optimist : India is the Land of Milk & Honey Pessimist : Milk & Honey is all about Calories & Cholesterol

•    Saturday ho ya Sunday, I still have to report to office….

•    Give a Jackass an education, you get a smart ass… #IvyLeaguePretenders

•    Turn your lowest point into Turning point … #entrepreneurship

•    I finally am an ‘Organ donor’. I donated my old Piano…

•    Once Arun Jaitley balances the budget to tax us, all we have to do is budget the balance….

•    The enthusiastic utterances emanating from wrong ends of politicians are called “Assteroids”

•    US was spying on BJP…. They discovered many relics….

•    Getting caught is the mother of all inventions….

•    I want to crack a joke.. Kumar Ketkar is an in-dependent journalist & watch Dog… spell checks may be pardoned..

•    I think I can predict the future, although I didn’t see it coming….

•    Google announces closure of Orkut in September. In an unrelated news, Uday Chopra has refused Sajid Khan’s offer for HumShakals 2…

•    “Give a man a long rope and he would hang himself” – Honorable Tapas Pal, TMC MP

•    The French kiss is real, the Nigerian kick ought be a lottery….

•    Beauty is only skin deep.. but, stupidity runs all the way to the bone…

•    Boredom is a sign of unused potential….

•    Ochoa din aane wale hai…

•    “Neither Decepticons, nor, chhota Bheem is working for us.. we need Optimus Prime to take on Modibot” – congress transformers

•    “This Modi is stooping to facts, to convince the nation” ~ Opposition

•    Paswan ji was getting his picture clicked with a Chameleon. It changed colours….

•    I am playing agony aunt today. Write your questions on a 500 rupee note & send it to me. Will answer all…

•    “The effectiveness of DDA for the development of Delhi master plan 2021” – I would participate on this debate today @ 7 PM on NDTV Prime…. repeat @ 11 PM…

•    “Just because god has given you the power to procreate, don’t keep practising” thus spake our Health minister

•    I need to start an NGO to get money from the poor in rich countries, for me to get rich in a poor country like ours…..

•    Some people need a helping hand, a Firm shove…

•    Football season. Delhi University is busy kicking around student welfare..

•    I am under an oath of Penury. You can irritate me by sending money….

•    I’ve known this lady for very long. In fact, we were the same age some years back…

•    When in doubt, tell the truth…

•    Luis Chew-ares !!!! #suarezbiting

•    Once elected, popularity goes down, and the Cholesterol up… #Politicalwisdom

•    If you ignore something long enough, it tends to disappear. Remember Renuka Chaudhry?

•    Delhi University inculcating students with the 4 letter F word – FYUP

•    When I seek knowledge, I visit Google. When I have to create some, I come here…

•    America would never attack Women… for they have no oil fields

•    If you can’t ‘beat them’, Don’t join them. Report them to UP Police. They would ‘beat them’, on your behalf…

•    “Contraception works better than Contribution” ~ AAP supporter

•    After their flawed election coverage, one media house has done some soul searching. They finally found one…

•    Thank god, Preity Zinta landed on Sunday. Monday can be used for productive work by the media…

•    पथ्थर के खुदा, पथ्थर के सनम, पथ्थर के ही इंसान पाये है तुम शहर ए मोहब्बत कहते हो, हम जान बचा कर आए है #IndiansinIraq

•    Book your plans to travel the A-380 to Croatia. I am planning a conference to protest the Railway Fare hike..

•    I was offered a seven digit salary. I accepted. The buggers didn’t disclose the decimal point…

•    It now takes more to amuse a child, than it took to educate his father….#Gyan

•    The Mayan calendar had predicted that in 2014, Rahul & Congress would be 44…

•    I support women’s reservation in Parliament. They have an equal right to accomplish “as little” as their male counterparts…

•    During monsoons, some give up drinks, some give up non-veg, Modi gave up consulting his ministers…

•    Parliament should focus on jobs. More specifically, why many in Parliament are holding on to theirs…

•    What? Onions @ Rs.20 per kg? Hell hath no fury like an Arnab scorned… “Modi gayo” when the nation would know tonite

•    What character from Mahabharata are you? I am Justin Bieber….

•    Statistics reveal, every two minutes, another few stats are created…

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